I
am about to talk about a sensitive topic for many women and that is
trying to start a family. In the world of being a Latter Day Saint we
are asked to pretty much start trying for children as soon as
possible, because of this it is very common to see many newly
wed couples getting pregnant soon after. Steve and I decided to wait
until we felt a little more on our feet and grew our relationship to
be as strong as it can be before bring children into the world. I am
so glad we waited because I have loved this time growing with just
Steve. In November 2014 we decided we were ready to start our family
after being married over 3 years. It has now been almost a year since
then with no luck and each month gets harder and harder to not
let it get to you. Some months you feel strong and try not to care
but some months it's very emotional. One of the hardest things is
being around many women who can get pregnant by accident or it really
doesn't take them that long. You try to be happy for them but it
hurts after each new friend announces they are expecting. It can
also be hard to see couples who haven't been married as long as you
and they get pregnant and sometimes you feel it's not far. Funny
enough it doesn't help that you find out if your pregnant
or not in the most emotion time of the month (stupid hormones)! I am
having to learn not to let this affect my every day happiness and it
has been a challenge. It's funny how you can have many things going
for you but one thing can sometimes hold you back. When we first got
married I didn't like married wards because it was always who was
pregnant next or who got a promotion or new car, etc. We didn't stay
in that ward very long and went to a family ward. You never think
that getting pregnant is going to take a long time but it seems to be
becoming more common or maybe we are just raising more awareness to
it. You also never know when to go to a doctor but you are also
scared it will break the bank if you do so or they will tell you
everything is fine and just be patient.
Not
too long ago I found an article from the Ensign called "Patience:More Then Waiting". I have always felt everything happens for a
reason and in the right time. I have seen that so much in my life
that I can't ignore it. When we first started trying to start our
family I went to the temple because I knew I would need help in
trying to be patient in case this was going to take longer then
expected. I am so glad I did and I feel like this has made a big
difference (as well as my husband and I promising each other if we
didn't get pregnant in a year we would go to Disney World). When you
think of patience you do think of waiting but it is so much more then
that. Elder Maxwell said "Patience is not indifference.
Actually, it means caring very much but being willing, nevertheless,
to submit to the Lord and to what the scriptures call the 'process of
time'. Patience is a manifestation of inner strength and devotion to
the Lord. Elder Maxwell also said "Patience is a willingness, in
a sense, to watch the unfolding purpose of God with a sense of wonder
and awe, rather than pacing up and down within the cell of our
circumstance. Put another way, too much anxious opening of the oven
door and the cake falls instead of rising. So it is with us. If we
are always selfishly taking our temperature to see if we are happy,
we will not be." Patience also helps us to realize that while we
may be ready to move on, having had enough of a particular learning
experience, our continued presence is often needed as a part of the
learning environment of others." This is better said then done
but it was something very emotional to read. I also recently watched
the movie "The Longest Ride" and one of the stories was
about a couple who couldn't have kids and it was so hard for them. In
the 40's it was hard to adopt but they learned to find joy in each
other.
We
will see what happens as time goes on and it hopefully is just not
time yet for Steve and I but I will try to find joy in what I do
have, not to say that I won't have my hard days, even if in the end
if it will just be Steve and I.
To
those who are in my shoes and may have been trying even longer
then me, know you are not alone and to find someone or a support
group you can talk to so we don't burden our husbands with so many
emotion because as we know, they can only take so much but we love
them any ways. To those who don't have this problem, please reach
out to those you know that do have this problem and help them the
best you can and don't take your children for granted. Even though
there are some days it can be really hard, you were blessed with
these wonderful children who look up to you so much! I am so grateful
for all I have been blessed with especially my husband and even
though it's hard I am glad that the Lord is teaching me to be more
patient, I am sure going to need that skill once we have children!
