Saturday, September 12, 2015

Learning Patience

I am about to talk about a sensitive topic for many women and that is trying to start a family. In the world of being a Latter Day Saint we are asked to pretty much start trying for children as soon as possible, because of this it is very common to see many newly wed couples getting pregnant soon after. Steve and I decided to wait until we felt a little more on our feet and grew our relationship to be as strong as it can be before bring children into the world. I am so glad we waited because I have loved this time growing with just Steve. In November 2014 we decided we were ready to start our family after being married over 3 years. It has now been almost a year since then with no luck and each month gets harder and harder to not let it get to you. Some months you feel strong and try not to care but some months it's very emotional. One of the hardest things is being around many women who can get pregnant by accident or it really doesn't take them that long. You try to be happy for them but it hurts after each new friend announces they are expecting. It can also be hard to see couples who haven't been married as long as you and they get pregnant and sometimes you feel it's not far. Funny enough it doesn't help that you find out if your pregnant or not in the most emotion time of the month (stupid hormones)! I am having to learn not to let this affect my every day happiness and it has been a challenge. It's funny how you can have many things going for you but one thing can sometimes hold you back. When we first got married I didn't like married wards because it was always who was pregnant next or who got a promotion or new car, etc. We didn't stay in that ward very long and went to a family ward. You never think that getting pregnant is going to take a long time but it seems to be becoming more common or maybe we are just raising more awareness to it. You also never know when to go to a doctor but you are also scared it will break the bank if you do so or they will tell you everything is fine and just be patient. 

Not too long ago I found an article from the Ensign called "Patience:More Then Waiting". I have always felt everything happens for a reason and in the right time. I have seen that so much in my life that I can't ignore it. When we first started trying to start our family I went to the temple because I knew I would need help in trying to be patient in case this was going to take longer then expected. I am so glad I did and I feel like this has made a big difference (as well as my husband and I promising each other if we didn't get pregnant in a year we would go to Disney World). When you think of patience you do think of waiting but it is so much more then that. Elder Maxwell said "Patience is not indifference. Actually, it means caring very much but being willing, nevertheless, to submit to the Lord and to what the scriptures call the 'process of time'. Patience is a manifestation of inner strength and devotion to the Lord. Elder Maxwell also said "Patience is a willingness, in a sense, to watch the unfolding purpose of God with a sense of wonder and awe, rather than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance. Put another way, too much anxious opening of the oven door and the cake falls instead of rising. So it is with us. If we are always selfishly taking our temperature to see if we are happy, we will not be." Patience also helps us to realize that while we may be ready to move on, having had enough of a particular learning experience, our continued presence is often needed as a part of the learning environment of others." This is better said then done but it was something very emotional to read. I also recently watched the movie "The Longest Ride" and one of the stories was about a couple who couldn't have kids and it was so hard for them. In the 40's it was hard to adopt but they learned to find joy in each other.

We will see what happens as time goes on and it hopefully is just not time yet for Steve and I but I will try to find joy in what I do have, not to say that I won't have my hard days, even if in the end if it will just be Steve and I. 

To  those who are in my shoes and may have been trying even longer then me, know you are not alone and to find someone or a support group you can talk to so we don't burden our husbands with so many emotion because as we know, they can only take so much but we love them any ways. To those who don't have this problem, please reach out to those you know that do have this problem and help them the best you can and don't take your children for granted. Even though there are some days it can be really hard, you were blessed with these wonderful children who look up to you so much! I am so grateful for all I have been blessed with especially my husband and even though it's hard I am glad that the Lord is teaching me to be more patient, I am sure going to need that skill once we have children!


  1. I have been exactly where you are. Hang on! One way or another, you and Steve will become parents. Hugs from Switzerland!

  2. Thanks for sharing Kyla! What a hard thing to put out in the open. Be strong, and trust that the Lord sees the big picture.

  3. Kayla. You are a great example of turning to the Lord in times of trial… Instead of turning away. My heart is with you in this journey.